#5 Lacey Nitpicking
This is a multi-edition short story series about a teenage boy who works for a food truck that traverses New Jersey summer after summer. Ryan is a 17 year old who works for Food Wagon LLC, a traveling food truck run by Eli, a 40 year old entrepreneur.
“Hey, Ryan, yeah, ummm, I will pick you up in like 30 minutes, I am getting the trailer ready right now.” Eli was holding his phone and clattering sounds were going off in the background. “I am hooking up right now, I am hooking up right now. Huh, huff, huh, huff.” Eli was hitching the trailer to the GMC one-handed style.
“Ok, well I am ready.” Ryan was picturing the scenario at Eli’s house.
As we have covered before, Eli suffered from a tragic case of Running-Behind-Schedule Disease. The standing record for longest wait for Ryan is about 4 hours. At least Ryan gets those chaotic wellness check phone calls, it makes him feel remembered by the Boss Man. What did Ryan do during those extended periods, nothing, why?, because he is a moron who can not come up with something to do, and he always falls for that ‘What if I start doing this and he comes?’ paranoia. Ryan does get to spend time with his Grandparents though, he gets to have long talks about whatever while he waits, which are often substantive and bring useful knowledge to him.
“Still here?” Ryan’s Grandfather will often walk in and say and Ryan will smile and laugh.
The window shades are wide open, Ryan will turn his head to look out the window every 5 minutes waiting for that big red trailer to come to a stop in the street. Eventually the moment comes, as it did on this day. Ryan will say his goodbyes, sometimes Eli will send a “Here” text and Ryan gets into his car.
“How are we doing Ryan?”
“I am doing good, it is a good morning.” Ryan looks over to Eli with a smile.
Eli and Ryan are about the same height, Eli often wears a red hat with his logo on it, the hat is so often used it is flattened and has a tint of grease dimming the red dye. Eli lets his hair grow to a couple inches length, which produces subtle curls of long brown hair. Eli has a short bristly beard at times and wears a company shirt and shorts that are terminated from years at the griddle. Most interestingly, Eli wears Crocs on the job and he still has all 10 toes.
“Alright, good, we are going to a bridal shower, I think, it is down in Lacey. It is just you and me and then my mom should be there.”
“Bridal shower, nice. Lacey is where Tip lives right?” Ryan asked.
“Yeah, Tip is down there.”
They were moving up Main Street in Toms River, Eli needed a couple things at the Shoprite on Route 37.
“You think you can hustle on this one?” Eli looked over at Ryan with a grin. “I told them I would be there at 1 and it is 12:30.”
“I can walk fast, yes” Ryan was laughing inside about the sight of him busting around Shoprite like a grocery shopping speed demon.
They were in the parking lot, with his trailer attached, Eli had to park on the outer edges of the lot, away from all the Chevy Suburbans and Ford Fusions and Holiday City Cadillacs. Achieving a perfect 4 parking space diagonal parking job, they left and headed for the cart shed. Eli led with a brisk walk and Ryan was laughing following behind “We are really doing this.” he thought. Eli yanked out a cart and set it forward and began jogging with it and then putting one foot on the bottom basket bar and using the other to do some skateboard action. Ryan was left behind soon because he refused to do a jog in the Shoprite parking lot, but he had to keep up, so laughing quietly he galloped along. Eli was really into the skateboard thing and surprisingly did not get hit by any cars or hit any customers walking around. They entered the store to a nominally busy scene, nothing too crazy.
“Do you know where the ketchup and relishes are?” Eli asked Ryan.
“Ummm, yeah, ummm, yeah, I know where they are.” Ryan wasn’t lying; he had a general ideal where some humble condiments may be.
“Do you think we could split up to make this go faster?” Eli was getting ready to take off.
“Yes, we can,” Ryan answered.
“Alright” Eli was gone.
Ryan wondered towards the right side of the store, Eli was speeding towards the left side. “So, ketchup, relish, it better be where I think it is.” Ryan was giving thought to his journey, then humming a song or two ‘She’s the One’ by Bruce Springsteen or “Lyin’ Eyes” by the Eagles. He wondered past the other shoppers, looking down various aisles, diapers, water, nutritional products, one million different sauces, ah, condiments. Ryan plucked a pack of four ketchups, and lugged that to where the relishes were and grabbed a Heinz pickle relish jar. Moving on, Ryan re-entered the main causeway where lines at the registers overflowed and indecisive shoppers paused to turn around and put back an item they thought they wanted, but now, not so much. Eli appeared skating through the tight passage between the bakery and the rest of the store. He noticed Ryan and moved toward him, they intersected halfway.
“I need eggs.” Eli pushed forward to the refrigerated section. “I told them I would have an egg platter.”
They walked to that section of the store and passed the egg crates and yogurts and stopped at a tiny subdivision of packaged hard boiled eggs, 6 in a bag.
“I did not have time this morning to boil eggs.” Eli looked at the little viewing window and selected two good looking bags.
“Ok” Ryan said.
“Alright, we have to go.” Eli motioned the cart away, Ryan following.
Eli was a self checkout fan and got to the kiosks and started pressing buttons. Of course, the robot throws a fit if you do not place items on the bagging scale, so their rush was slowed by the constant “Are you bagging this item?” notifications. But, the robots did not win and they got out of there. Skating to the car, Eli got ahead of Ryan who awkwardly jogged behind him to the outer reaches of the parking lot.
“Are we putting the stuff in the trailer?” Ryan asked.
“Yes, we will throw it in there real quick.” Eli stopped at the door to the trailer.
They opened the door and put items into the fridge and on the counter and then slammed it shut and hopped into the car.
“We are going to be late.” Eli was hauling to the parkway entrance.
GPS on and heading soundbound from Toms River, the two were moving fast. Eli has slow acceleration on his GMC because of his clogged catalytic converter, so they were moving fast in their minds, but it started off slow and steady.
“So we are going to Lacey.” Eli said
“Yes” Ryan said, knowing Eli told him that already.
They reached an advised exit to get off and got onto Lacey Road, driving east. The house was a few blocks off Lacey Road and one block away from the Barnegat Branch Trail that passes through the neighborhood on the old railroad bed. The street was double parked and not flat. The driveway of the party host was not even clear. When they pulled up one man was seen standing in his doorway holding a glass of beverage in one hand and two dog leashes in the other hand, attached to two dogs relieving themselves just down the steps on the lawn. “Look at that guy.” Eli had a grin on his face.
“Oh, yeah, look at him with the dogs.” Ryan was chuckling now.
“That is the American Dream right there.” Eli laughed and kept his grin, Ryan was laughing more now.
When done, the dogs went back inside, and the man closed the door.
“This driveway is full, I have to get in there.” Eli was annoyed.
More people were arriving, women walked up to the open windows of the GMC
“Do you need us to move cars?” One lady asked.
“Hey, do we need to move the cars?” Another asked.
“Does he want us to move cars?” A third asked from deeper in the driveway.
“Yeah, I need to back into the driveway.” Eli answered.
“Does he want us to move the cars!?” Mr. American Dream asked as he walked down the driveway.
“Yes, he does want us to move the cars.” The women answered him.
“Ok!” An answer came.
The women spent the next ten minutes yelling names and moving around cars as Eli and Ryan watched from inside the GMC. When it was done, Eli and Ryan had to get the rig backed up into the customer’s driveway.
“Ok, how are we going to do this?” Eli lifted his cap, ran his hand through his hair to the back of his head, and then put the hat back on.
“We will have to be careful.” Ryan looked at Eli and then looked at the driveway.
“Yeah, look at that fence.” Eli was smiling at the left side of the path that was bounded by a fence and a neighboring home right up against that.
“Let’s get out and take a look” the door opened and Eli got out, Ryan following.
The drive could fit two cars side by side, but you would not be able to get out of those cars. It was about 4 cars long before you got to the fence line and gate. The gate let the path continue into the backyard and spilled into a court that stopped at a large garage facility. On the right, there was a little fence protecting a small in-ground pool. At the end of the driveway was a medium sized tent with people under it and tables and a live musician at a microphone. It was a weird moment for Ryan when they were scoping out the area and no one at the party noticed them, except the little kids, who stood at a distance and stared at them with their fingers in their mouth or with a smile on their face.
“Once you get past the fence there is a lot of room, it is just going to be tight.” Eli was developing a master plan.
“Yeah, there is a lot of room.” Ryan was very much impressed with the set-up in the back, but was also uncomfortable strutting around in it.
“Let’s try it.” Eli said with a laugh and then the two started walking back. Eli paused to look at the gate clearing again, before moving on.
“I will back in and you can guide me.” Eli told Ryan, Ryan agreed.
Eli pulled forward past the house then backed up with a sharp turn that aligned the trailer better with the path. Ryan checked all that he could see and made random hand gestures and shouted directions to Eli as the GMC and trailer were jerked around for 10 minutes. It wasn’t that bad getting to the fence. Eli had to keep adjusting to get through the fence. Ryan checked his left side, Eli eyeballed the right with his mirror and managed to get it through. Halfway there they stopped and Eli got out, both walked into the backyard to ponder how to angle the trailer. While doing this the ‘Merica Man acknowledged them, the other party guests were listening to the Ed Sheeran cover songs by the young musician under the tent. 40-50 guests were expected to come.
“This is going to be tight.” Eli was picturing how the trailer could be backed so that the order window could be facing the tents, a 180 degree turn.
“I have a tractor in the garage, if you want me to pull the trailer that way.” the man offered.
“That sounds like a good idea.” Ryan wanted to see this tractor.
“Umm, maybe, but I don’t think we will need it.” Eli politely shot down the man’s flex of big boy toys.
“I will just slowly turn the car and move it bit by bit” Eli walked back to the GMC.
“Ok, if you need the tractor, let me know.” you could tell the guy was disappointed.
“Yeah, I will.” (No he won’t).
Some more wiggling and they were not getting far, Ryan was directing, people started staring. One woman walked up to the man visibly upset and he was talking back to her. Eli was not getting anywhere because of the tight fence gate, the man walked up to his window. Eli pulled straight out past the gate again.
“Hey, Ryan, we are going to park just outside the fence.” Eli shouted from his window.
“Oh, ok” Ryan knew what just happened.
“We just have to move over enough so people can walk up to the window and order.” “Yes, I think there will be enough room.”
After the perfectionist wiggled around for 15 minutes there was a 4 foot gap for customers to come if they wanted too. Ryan learned the majority of this gig was horderves and thus would not include much ordering or sandwich making. Once parked, they set up the electric generator, the propane gas lines, and turned on all the appliances. Food prep began. Ryan was organizing crackers on a platter. Eli was messing with some meats. The door opened and in walked Vern and Eli’s nephew, Ortley. Surprise, extra help.
“Hi, Eli, I brought Ortley to help you guys.” Vern said while entering. “Here is the American Cheese you needed.”
“Hi guys, thank you Mom.” Eli had a smile.
“Do you need me to stick around, to help?” Vern said, insistent.
“Umm, sure, if you want to.” Eli didn’t mind.
“Ok, great.” Vern put her purse down and put on some vinyl gloves.
“I got crab cakes to make, sliders, fries….” Eli was both talking to the others but also making mental notes.
They all worked, Ortley was new to this and asked a lot of questions about what to do, Ryan asked questions too. Vern reorganized some of the set-up in the trailer. Eli manned the griddle flattening the cakes and searing the sliders.
“Hi” A smiling woman stood at the window.
“Hi, what do you need, sweetie.” Vern answered.
“Hi” Eli answered.
“When do you think you will start putting out food for us?”
“Ah, we are working on that, yeah, sorry.” Vern told her.
“Yes, we are almost ready, maybe 10-15 minutes, sorry, I know we were late, but like 10 minutes.” Scott was flipping burgers while giving her a response.
Ryan was getting slowly burned alive at the fryer. What tends to happen as you stand by it is the cooking fries lose their water content and it bubbles at the top, flicking little oil droplets around. You feel this tiny burning sensation on your hands and arms and sometimes legs and have to deal with it. The other hot potato moment comes when you pour the cooked fries into a large metal mixing bowl to add salt. Touching them is not pleasant, so you have to shake the bowl in a unique motion that gives them air time, but also catches them back in the bowl and not all over the floor. You get that accomplished and then you have to plate them. This occasion had tiny paper boats to serve them in. Using your gloved hands to put them in the boats lets you run the risk of getting burned a bit, but it is like a hot second and then it goes away.
“Hi, how much longer do you think?” a new woman asked
“Yes, sorry, 5 minutes, 5 minutes and food should be ready.” Eli was moving fast.
“Ok” She walked away.
“Alright guys, we have to get this stuff out.” Eli was moving like he hand 8 arms, not 2.
Crab cakes were put on crackers and ready to go
“Ortley, could you take these out there.” Eli asked.
“Ok, I can do that.” Without much hesitation, he was leaving with the tray.
Eli liked catering with servers, you just had to walk around and offer whatever was on the tray to others. Ryan was always nervous at first when doing this, he felt like a party crasher in his nasty, smelly clothes. And it was just - weird - walking up to these parry goers and saying “Slider” or “Goat Cheese on Rye”, you were breaking up conversations to offer your food. It had to be done though, and most people were nice about it and took the bite.
“There is still a lot left.” Ortley appeared in the window and opened the door. “I left the tray on a table out there.”
“Oh, really” Eli sounded surprised.
“Yeah, and the one lady told me to make sure to go up to these people and those people and she said that she hoped there would be more coming.” Ortley sounded bothered.
“There will be.” Eli thought it was funny. “Look, here is another tray.” “Ok” Ortley took it and left.
“She hopes there will be more, we just started, we are not going to put it all out at once.” Eli said while cooking. “Well, here are the sliders, if you want to take these out Mom.”
“Yeah, sure.” Vern took them as soon as Ryan was done ketchuping and bunning them.
“She hopes there will be more.” Eli laughed.
“Well, we just sent out a bunch of stuff, we are getting there.” Ryan was laughing too.
Ortley appeared again with an empty tray.
“There are not a lot of people here.” he was observing.
“Really? She told me to expect 40-50 people. Maybe there are a lot of people running behind.”
“I don’t know, and the bride is here, but she is not eating anything yet.” Ortley sounded worried.
“Ok, well, there will be more coming.”
“There is still a lot of food out there, there are not many people here Eli” Vern appeared out of nowhere.
“That is what Ortley just told me, not a lot of people.”
Ryan and Ortley were preparing a tray with watermelon, balsamic, and feta.
“Ortley take this out.” Eli asked, and then the watermelon was gone. Vern grabbed another tray of it and left too.
“This is not good if nobody shows.” Eli was rubbing the back of his head. It was not good for the customer, because they paid for a big crowd, Eli would be ok.
“Yeah, this is weird, people skipping a bridal shower.” Ryan was concerned too.
“People are leaving Eli.” Vern was whispering from the window, Ortley standing next to her nodding his head.
At that same moment, three people passed behind them, seeming to be on their way out, a couple more in a couple minutes did the same.
“The bride seems to be upset, she has only tried a couple of things and has ignored the things like the sliders.” “Wow” Eli was surprised.
“And the mother (the woman who asked about the food the most) keeps asking what is next and reminding me what should be on the menu.” Vern kept a low voice.
Eli was just listening.
“And I tell her, ‘Yes, this is what he is putting out right now, he will have everything made.’.”
“Yeah, I have a couple more things and then we are done.” Eli was back at the griddle preparing another round of crab cakes.
The crab cakes were seasoned crab meat, made into little patties, and then gently cooked like mini hamburgers. Ryan set up the crackers on a tray and Eli passed them over. Ortley took a tray.
“I don’t know Eli, there are people leaving.” “I am done basically, so we can start cleaning up” Eli was indifferent to the shower’s problem. The vocalist dipped out and walked by the window.
A deviled egg tray was readied and Vern brought it out. Ortley returned, talking about what was left over. Eli and Ryan began wiping down surfaces, with Ortley and eventually Vern joining in. They did their job, even if only around 25 people were at the event.
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